2 years

2 years ago from yesterday I got call from my mom. 

Kami and I had just finished our last cultural event for the fall semester and we were walking out of the chapel to the car. It was cold, much like it was yesterday evening here. I turned my phone back on as we were walking and saw I had numerous messages from my mom asking me to call her as soon as I could. Before I could call back, she had already called again.

I answered the phone, unsure of what had happened. Her voice was shaky and I could tell she had been crying. 

"James, I have some bad new. Bradley has...cancer" 

I was stunned. Kami noticed my expression (or lack there of) and asked what was happening. I relayed the message that I just heard. 

"Dang it". (I did not actually say dang it...) My mom just replied with. "I know..."

 

What do you do when your world gets turned upside down? Nothing like this had ever happened to anyone that close to me. Bradley was 16, and I could not think of a worse age to hear that kind of news. 16 year olds are supposed to be excited about high school football, driving, girls, and music. My mind was flooded with questions, and it did not help that I was 3 hours away preparing for final exams. I was equal parts confused, scared, and freaked out. I remember Kami asking me if there was anything I needed and anything she could do for me. 

I had no idea what I needed. 

 

 

 

That night seems like a dream. I remember it very vividly, but I almost remember it as if I was watching it happen on video from someone else's perspective. It is hard to believe it has been 2 years since we found out bradley had cancer. 

I honestly have had a hard time dealing with this, and an even harder time dealing with his death 3 months ago today. I am not sure what stage of the grieving process I am at, but I just wish I could cry. No tears come out. The only time I really cried was at his graveside service playing his guitar and singing over him and the people there. I think part of the reason is that I don't really know what to think about death. But another part is that I look back over the last 2 years and can see what God has done in and through Bradley. If I live to be 85, I am not sure I will make the impact for Christ that he made in 2 years. I am so sad he is gone, but I rejoice that Bradley suffered well; I think he would say his suffering was a gift from God, so that he might live richly in God's grace and mercy. 

In his death, Bradley did not show me how to die. He showed me how to live. 

Each day is a gift. He used each day to love others and be loved; he took the time to talk with people, even in his last few days in the hospital. 

I remember talking with Bradley shortly after he was diagnosed. In a spare bedroom at my grandparents house God told me this kid in front of me would do amazing things. He was not scared, in fact he was not even that concerned that he had cancer. He asked me if I thought he should be a Youth Minister. I told him that i thought it would be perfect for him. I look at the last 2 years and can see the best Youth Minister I have ever know. Bradley always said that he and my other brothers would always look up to me (even though they all are taller than me), but all I can do is look up to him. He may have been 18 when he passed away, but he might as well have been 50. 

God is good. 

 

 

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